English as the national language

The US Senate has voted to make English the nation's "common and unifying language."

Personally, I think this is a good idea. We need an official language and perhaps even an official agency (as the French have) to determine what constitutes English.

This is our opportunity to clean things up. Perhaps we can finally do something about the people in Alabama who THINK they speak English. But I can't understand 85% of what they're saying.

This bill would also force Congress to use English. With so many of them trained in law they way too often slip into Legalese -- completely ignoring "the common and unifying language."

And what about the clergy? We don't speak English half the time, either. Unfortunately (or fortunately -- depending on how you look at it), we're protected by the First Amendment -- or they'd make us change, as well.

Then there is the matter of our children. In spite of the fact that I'm totally hip and cool -- my undereducated kids don't even know what I'm talking about when I say that something is groovy.

We need to do something common and unifying! I am afraid, though, that wherever Congress ends up on this matter, the president won't sign it. He knows that he isn't exactly a master of English and he's afraid of doing jail time for aggravated malapropism.

C'est la vie.